Dreaming Awake

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
S. Jobs

Someone sent me this today. And oh, how my stomach sank! Or my heart, I’m not sure which one. Is there a difference in this context? Anyway, I had this internal reaction to these beautiful words, because I feel guilty.

I feel guilty, because I am not sure that I’m living my life yet. I mean, sure, there are aspects…there are always aspects. But the whole thing? I am not even sure how far away I am right now. Sometimes, I am not sure what it is supposed to look like anymore— what I envision.

Still, I know I feel guilty.

I want to dream awake. I am aware that time is limited. I hate wasting time, that’s why I am such a direct person. Any other way seems inefficient to me. However, I must not despise it enough…because here I am, looking through foggy lenses. I’ve been quiet, but I haven’t been listening. And I certainly haven’t had an admirable amount of courage…

Not yet. I will though. The time is coming.

So I guess, the question I am faced with right now is: how do I reconnect? How do I listen, really listen, like I yearn to? Why has my rhythm been drowned out by such a noisy quiet?

The answers to those questions don’t really matter, you know. What matters are my next steps. What I will do. What I am doing in the meantime. And how I will find it. Get there.

How I will dream awake, as much as possible, with every breath.